TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize