i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
