i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
