Can i not drive my cunt home
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
