I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
