fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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