We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize