Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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