ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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