Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
