I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
