check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
