some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
