Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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