Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
