Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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