Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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