What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bring me that man meat
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize