We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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