I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
