NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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