My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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