please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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