I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
