I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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