Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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