hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Four minutes until I can fart!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
