yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
