Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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