Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
