you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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