What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
