I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
