He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize