Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize