If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
