Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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