girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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