I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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