really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
