Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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