I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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