went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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