can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
