Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
