I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
