I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
