did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize