Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
