so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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