I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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