S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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