I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
