My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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