I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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