No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
