Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
