she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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