I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
