Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
