I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
