I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
