my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
