When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
